1. Put Your Children’s Interests First
The divorce or separation is not only about you and your spouse. It also involves your children who are undergoing a major disruption in their lives. In order to minimize this disruption to your children, it is important to put their interests first.
2. Control Your Anger
When anger is not controlled it becomes very destructive and counterproductive. Screaming at the opposing party, yelling in the courthouse and at the lawyers and judges are very ineffective tactics and harmful to your case.
3. Take the High Road and Do Not Be Vindictive
Nothing positive can be accomplished when you adopt a vindictive attitude. In fact, it causes more harm than good especially to you and your children.
4. Accept the Fact that Change is Occurring
Divorce or separation is comparable to a death or loss. It is the disintegration and reformation of a family structure. You need to grieve the loss, accept the fact that change is occurring and move on.
5. Seek Counseling When Necessary
Counseling can be very helpful to many people to help them explore why the divorce or separation is occurring and to express their feelings. It is especially useful for those who are having trouble accepting the divorce or separation and cannot control their anger.
6. Maintain a Good Support Network
Since divorce or separation is such a stressful and difficult period, it is important that you spend time with your friends and family and not isolate yourself.
7. Do Not Mistake the Forest for the Trees
Do not get bogged down on the little things and instead, focus on the long term bigger picture. In other words, you can win the little battles and end up losing the war. Concentrate on what is best for you in the long run and let go of the little things.
8. Be Honest
There is a limit as to what you will be able to accomplish if you are not honest. Your lawyer will be limited in his/her ability to assist you if you are not candid with him/her. A judge will not rule in your favor if you lack credibility. In fact, if you lie under oath in the courtroom, then you have committed the criminal offense of perjury.
9. Do Your Homework
Learn as much as possible about the legal process and be an active participant. The more that you educate your lawyer on what you want, what occurred in the relationship and what the financial situation is, the better your lawyer can assist you.
10. Seek the Advice of a Good Lawyer
Seek the advice of a lawyer, such as myself, who has had several years of experience in the field of family law and listen to what he/she has to say. It is important that you are aware of what your options are so that you can make an intelligent decision as to what to do in your case.
