The goal of a divorce is not to pick winners and losers. Rather, the goal is to stabilize the parties and the children and help them move on with their lives.
Try not to be overly combative. The nastier a divorce is the more your lawyer gets paid and the less money there is for you, your spouse and your children. It is very costly to try a divorce case and if your case is appealed to the appellate level and then the supreme court level, there will be additional costs.
There are times when you do not have a choice and the case must be tried. Perhaps a spouse is being unreasonable. For example, one spouse is refusing to pay alimony when the case clearly calls for alimony. Or your spouse's behavior is harmful to the children. Or there is domestic violence or substance abuse involved which needs to be addressed in court.
However, the fact is most cases settle and do not go to trial. Given that fact it makes sense to attempt to try to work in a noncombative fashion with the other side if possible. This can be accomplished with mediation or with the collaborative divorce process or through litigation with two lawyers who can negotiate on behalf of you and your spouse in a professional and cordial manner.